So today, I FINALLY deleted the loser's phone number from my phone. I should have done it months ago but today I just felt like, you know what? He NEVER deserved a moment of my time and it's too bad I wasted so much freaking time with an idiot. HE'S the one who broke my heart and when I said I didn't think I could ever talk to him again after the way he dumped me and cheated on me HE was the one who said he wanted to stay friends! But he BARELY talked to me the whole of this summer and while I was pining away and crying so many tears for him, he was making out with a new girl. And now, whenever he's talked to me lately, he's always been so rude and cold. He tried to find any excuse he could so that he wouldn't have to see me before I left for college because he just doesn't care anymore. So much for that bull$%#@ he told me about always loving me forever. HAH! that was a joke! He gets pissed at me for the smallest things and you know what? If he's going to be such a big baby that he can't forgive me for the small things I say that tick him off when I can forgive him for lying to me, cheating on me and treating me like DIRT for two years than he never deserved my unconditional love in the first place. I deserve someone who truly loves me and isn't going to lie to me or about me. I want someone REAL to love me and hold me in his arms. Not some loser phony like him.

So nearly a month has passed since my last entry. Not a whole lot has changed. I am still having one of the worst summers of my life, bored to death and lonely as crap. I still miss him---as always---but I rarely talk to him anymore. I am lucky if I get a text from him within the space of two weeks. Luckily and yet unluckily at the same time, I have not had to see him but two times this summer. Both times broke my heart in their own different ways. I say luckily because it has helped me to not always have him on the forefront of my mind (although I can't stop him from visiting my dreams or vanishing from my mind altogether; he always seems to lurk around the edges or the back of my brain and I just can't shake him out); I say unluckily because it hurts so incredibly much to remember how close we used to be and seeing where we are now--so distant, I hardly know anything about his life or what he is up to these days. A song that comes to mind concerning this situation is Keane's "We Might As Well Be Strangers." That is exactly what it's like now. We used to be lovers but now, nothing more than strangers. He doesn't give a damn about me anymore and I can't get over how much that hurts. He used to promise he'd love me forever. Stupid me, for not realizing forever wouldn't last more than two emotional, heart-wrenching years.